by Octavia K. Brangman
Narcissistic abuse can leave deep emotional wounds, impacting one's sense of self and well-being. However, tarot can be a powerful tool for guiding individuals through the healing process, offering deep insights, emotional clarity, and empowering messages. Here’s how tarot can assist in this transformative journey:
My Personal Journey with Narcissistic Abuse:
I have dealt with narcissism from family members, friends, partners, and coworkers and I am on my own healing journey.
Narcissism hits differently when it's family. Most information on narcissism that you may find might be more directed towards romantic relationships rather than family. I didn't realize the wide range of different behaviors that I would witness and experience until a few years ago from watching doctors on YouTube, such as Dr. Ramani. I learned through watching her, through other channels of information, and from growing, that microaggressions show up differently in family than they do at work, with friends, or with a partner.
Narcissism within family hits differently because these are people who most likely have known you since very early childhood or even birth. When these people are gaslighting your knowledge, accomplishments, experiences, efforts, and capabilities, it becomes even more confusing and hurtful. These people are supposed to know that you're better than how they're treating you, but they don't, all because of a need to feel powerful, like the life of the party, like the leader, like the genius, and/or provider or what have you.
One main struggle that I've dealt with when interacting with family members is being treated as if I'm incapable. This ranged from affording a trip to walking around or going somewhere by myself, answering basic questions, and even performing simple house chores. Family members often spoke to me as if I lacked basic knowledge, over-explaining things they knew I was already aware of. It was both confusing and exhausting, constantly making me wonder why they would treat me as if I was stupid. There was even a time when a family member reexplained how to take care of a dog after they witnessed me have a dog for over 15 years. The same person also thought they could tell me about the high school I attended, as if I didn't go there myself. These instances, though minuscule compared to other experiences, added up and weighed heavily on my psyche, causing me to question why I was being treated this way. What did I ever do to make them think that I had no intelligence?
Tarot has helped me navigate these feelings and situations when no one else seemed to understand the significance of these microaggressions. The Higher Self, as communicated through the cards, didn't care about how long ago something happened or how minuscule it might seem from an outside perspective. I believe we talk to our Higher Selves through the cards, gaining insights into how our spiritual interactions are meant to guide our personal growth through this incarnation. The cards act like a walkie-talkie, ensuring we're not stumbling around in the dark. They help us see that most situations, even those orchestrated by the Higher Self, are for our highest good. Tarot has provided a means for me to understand and overcome the emotional impact of these experiences, guiding me toward healing and empowerment.
Tarot has helped me see the unconscious and underlying motives of these interactions, whether they be at work or at home. It has also helped me to not internalize the anger towards myself because, sadly, that's what narcissism will do to us if we're not careful, mindful, and guided in some way. My higher self has guided me through this healing process and continues to do so. Through tarot and knowledge of spiritual practices, I have found a pathway to healing and empowerment.
Gaining Insight and Understanding:
Tarot readings can help uncover the hidden dynamics and patterns in relationships that may not be immediately apparent. Cards like The Devil or The Tower might highlight toxic patterns and the need for significant change, while cards such as The High Priestess can encourage deeper introspection and understanding of the situation.
Empowerment and Self-Discovery:
Tarot can empower survivors by highlighting their strengths and inner resources. Cards like The Empress and The Strength card can reinforce self-worth and resilience, reminding individuals of their inherent power and capacity to overcome adversity.
Emotional Healing:
The tarot offers a safe space for emotional exploration, helping to identify and process feelings of betrayal, hurt, anger, and grief. The Four of Cups can guide introspection and emotional healing, while the Three of Swords acknowledges the pain and the potential for recovery and renewal.
Tarot can be an invaluable tool for those who have experienced bullying, scapegoating, and other forms of mental abuse, offering a beacon of hope and a pathway to emotional recovery. While tarot is not a substitute for professional medical treatment, it can provide deep insights and emotional clarity that empower individuals on their healing journey. The cards serve as mirrors of the subconscious, helping you uncover hidden emotions and patterns that might be holding you back. By drawing cards such as The Sun or The Star, you are reminded of your inherent worth and the light that shines within you, guiding you towards self-love and resilience. The Hermit can encourage introspective healing, helping you find your inner strength and wisdom amidst the shadows cast by past traumas.
Furthermore, tarot fosters a safe space for self-discovery and emotional release, allowing you to articulate and process your experiences in a non-judgmental way. Cards like The Ten of Swords or The Tower validate the pain and upheaval you've endured, while The Strength card reinforces your power to overcome and rise above these adversities. By engaging with tarot regularly, you build a spiritual support system that encourages self-compassion and personal growth. The practical steps involved in tarot—such as journaling, meditative practices, and daily reflections—serve as therapeutic exercises that help you reclaim your narrative and rebuild your sense of self. Each card drawn is a step closer to healing, a step towards reclaiming your life with renewed hope and strength.
Establishing Boundaries:
Tarot readings can provide guidance on setting healthy boundaries and protecting oneself from further harm. The Nine of Wands can signify the importance of self-preservation and vigilance, while the Queen of Swords emphasizes clarity, assertiveness, and the need to communicate boundaries effectively.
Anyone navigating the treacherous waters of narcissistic abuse needs to prioritize their mental and emotional well-being. My advice is to adopt the gray-rock or stonewall technique as soon as possible and, if feasible, make it permanent (NO! IT IS NOT A PETTY TO GET A RESTRAINING ORDER IF NEED BE). There was always a lingering thought in the back of my mind when dealing with family members: "What will it take for them to realize I'm not as incapable as they think?" I constantly questioned when I would finally earn their respect as an adult. As a child, it seemed like my worth was tied to my ability to play the piano, and respect dwindled as my motivation for it faded. But then I realized something crucial: none of them had to earn respect through grand gestures, so why did I? No matter how kind I was, how composed I remained, or how much I bit my tongue to maintain peace, their perception of me never changed. The harsh truth is that nothing I did could ever alter their behavior towards me.
For those in similar situations, I encourage you to seek therapy and professional help. Having someone who will listen and validate your experiences is invaluable, especially when you've often been silenced or dismissed in the moment. Therapy can help you process these painful experiences and affirm that your feelings and thoughts were valid all along. It provides a safe space to revisit those moments and realize that you were most likely not wrong, and it helps lift the unconscious burden of self-inflicted blame. You deserve to be heard and supported as you work through the complex emotions and traumas inflicted by narcissistic abuse. Your journey towards healing and self-respect starts with acknowledging your worth and seeking the help you need to reclaim your narrative.
Rebuilding Self-Identity:
Survivors of narcissistic abuse often struggle with a fractured sense of self. Cards like The Fool and The Magician can encourage a fresh start and the rediscovery of one's personal identity and potential, emphasizing the journey towards self-reliance and new beginnings.
Encouraging Self-Care and Patience:
Tarot reminds individuals to be gentle with themselves during the healing process. The Four of Swords urges rest and recuperation, emphasizing the importance of self-care and patience as one navigates through recovery.
Fostering Forgiveness and Letting Go:
The tarot can help facilitate the process of forgiveness and letting go of past hurts. The Judgement card invites reflection and the release of past grievances, encouraging a transformative and liberating process of moving forward without the burden of resentment.
Affirming Future Goals and Aspirations:
Tarot can inspire and affirm future goals, helping to set a positive and hopeful vision for the future. The Star card represents hope, healing, and the pursuit of one's aspirations, guiding individuals toward a brighter, more fulfilling path.
Cultivating Inner Peace and Balance:
Achieving inner peace and balance is crucial after narcissistic abuse. Cards such as Temperance promote the harmony and equilibrium needed to restore emotional and mental well-being, guiding individuals towards a state of inner peace.
Trusting Intuition:
Finally, tarot encourages survivors to trust their intuition and inner guidance. The High Priestess card symbolizes inner wisdom and the importance of trusting one's gut feelings, which is vital in both healing from trauma and protecting oneself in future relationships.
Practical Steps for Using Tarot in Healing
1. Daily Reflection: Draw a card each day to focus on a specific aspect of healing.
2. Journaling: Write about the cards drawn and how they relate to your emotions and experiences.
3. Therapeutic Readings: Seek readings that focus specifically on healing and rebuilding.
4. Meditative Practices: Use cards in meditative practices to connect with inner strength and guidance.
5. Spiritual Support: Incorporate tarot into spiritual practices to foster deeper healing and self-awareness.
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Tarot offers a comprehensive approach to healing from narcissistic abuse, providing profound insights and actionable guidance to reclaim one's life, self-worth, and future. By engaging with the cards, individuals can embark on a journey of self-discovery, empowerment, and profound healing.
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